Homophobic, or Just Plain Chicken? The Ultimate Guide to the Chick-Fil-A Anti-Gay Saga

July 25, 2012 6:16 PM EDT | By Anthony Smith
Chick-fil-a comes under fire for anti-gay remarks. (Photo: Creative Commons)

Your friends at FoodNRecipe are rounding up all the news that's fit to make you squint about Chick-Fil-A and their recent pro-family, anti-gay stance. Here's everything you need to know so far to make you sound like an expert. Naturally, these articles are designed so you can read them in whichever order you like, or that you'd only have to read one to get a sense of the bigger picture, but where's the fun in that? The devil is in the details here; just don't tell that to Chick-Fil-A's President, Dan Cathy, or he'd probably come out as Anti-Details.

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Chapter 1: In Which Chick-Fil-A's President Comes Out of the Closet as a Bigot

Chapter 2: In Which Kermit and Miss Piggy Take Their Business Elsewhere

Chapter 3: In Which Chick-Fil-A Offers Children Free Ice Cream in Exchange for Homophobia

Chapter 4: In Which Chick-Fil-A Pretends to Be a Pretty Teenage Girl

Chapter 5: In Which Chick-Fil-A Isn't Allowed within Boston and Chicago City Limits 

Chapter 6: In Which Republicans Give Their Children Sauce

Chapter 7: In Which Chick-fil-A's VP Dies

Chapter 8: In Which Chick-fil-A Is Sexist, Too

Chapter 9: In Which Sarah Palin Opens Her Big Mouth and Puts Chicken in It

Chapter 10: In Which Bigots Become Billionaires 

Chapter 11: In Which Every Dog Has His Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day

If all of this leaves a bad taste in your mouth, make your own fried chicken. We're calling this Chick-Fil-Gay, and it's guaranteed to be so much more satisfying than whatever they were serving to you with a side of bigotry. You'll never have to make allowances for a viewpoint with which you don't agree ever again.

Or maybe you do support Chick-Fil-A and their defense of traditional marriage (whatever that means). If so, we hope you eat a lot of their fried chicken. At the very least, it tastes okay. But not nearly as good as ours!

Bonus: FoodNRecipe's Chick-Fil-Gay Awesome Fried Chicken Recipe!

Part One: Choose your chicken.

Look for chicken that's nice and pink. Since I'm making it for myself, I don't go for anything but the drumsticks. But maybe you're a thigh wo/man. In that case, just buy an assorted pack. When it comes to cooking with chicken, I tend to buy organic. The other chicken tends to be injected with water to make it heavier, and that extra water can make for some really bad fried chicken. And maybe even an accident or two if you're not careful.

Part Two: Prepare Your Brine

Most people don't like to brine their chicken, but I think it's probably the second-most important part of the process. It ensures that your chicken is not only thoroughly flavored, but nice and juicy.

I like a sweet-tea brine for my fried chicken. It's nice, poetic, and it'll make you seem like the king/queen/gender-neutral monarch of the south. Start with my easy, perfect recipe for Southern Sweet Tea and to that, add one-fourth a cup of Kosher salt, one-fourth a cup of packed dark brown sugar, one-eighth a cup of black pepper, and the zest of two grapefruits and four oranges. If you like your spicy, add my secret ingredient: two chopped and dried ancho chiles. Mix. Add your chicken pieces to it. Let that sit overnight, then discard the brine. Make sure to dry your chicken thoroughly.

Part Three: The Skin

Prepare the batter for your fried chicken in small batches as such:

Crush two cups of corn flakes cereal. Add two teaspoons of fine salt, a teaspoon of pepper, a teaspoon of garlic powder, a teaspoon of onion powder, a teaspoon of thyme, a teaspoon of cayenne pepper, a teaspoon of good yellow mustard, and a teaspoon of smoked paprika.

Dip your chicken pieces in buttermilk, then roll them in the batter. Cook your fried chicken pieces in oil no hotter than 325 degrees F until golden brown. Drain over a rack. Do not drain on paper towels. Serve immediately.

Enjoy love, tolerance, and good food!

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