5 Things Faker than Diet Pepsi's New Heat-Proof, Time-Resistant Recipe [VIDEO]

August 31, 2012 5:07 PM EDT | By Anthony Smith
Diet Pepsi
5 Things Faker than Diet Pepsi's New Heat-Proof, Time-Resistant Recipe (Photo: PepsiCo)

Early Friday, Diet Pepsi announced that they would be swapping out the super artificial sweetener aspartame in their soft drink for Ace-K, an even more artificial sweetener that also boasts the terrifying added benefits of being heat-proof and time-resistant, so you know that whatever you're putting into your stomach is settling in for an extended stay.

But don't freak out just yet: here are 10 Things that are faker than Diet Pepsi's New Heat-Proof, Time Resistant Recipe.

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5. The Republican National Convention Pandering to Women

I don't mean to diminish his achievements towards employing women to high positions in Massachusetts. Mitt Romney's done some really wonderful stuff for women. But so has our current President-- more, in fact, than any other President before him.

However, in spite of what both candidates have done for women, only Mitt Romney has done really egregious things to women.

4. The Bigfoot Hoax that Left a Man Dead

Earlier this week, a man dressed up as Bigfoot in the hopes that someone would report a sighting and was run over twice by two teenage girls. Oops.

3. Sandra Lee's Cooking

This Kwanzaa cake is really too much. It's really scary that this woman, the wife of Governor Cuomo of New York, could be the First Lady of the United States in the next twelve years, considering what a fool she's made of herself up until now.

2. People Who Buy Priuses

We're all for saving the environment. We just don't think you need to spend tens of thousands of dollars to do it.

Three words, no carbon-emissions: buy a bike.

1. Lady Gaga

Full disclosure: I'm spiritual, but I wouldn't call myself Christian. Still, I'm versed enough in Jesus-speak to call shenanigans when I see it. When it comes to pseudointellectual elegance, Lady Gaga's song about Judas is about as irresponsible and wrong-headed as it gets.

Sure, it's probably harmless, but her line about her being "still in love with Judas" was probably written to anger the Catholic church or something, and rally her base by aligning her more closely with her gay fans.

Too bad Jesus preached loving everyone, and Judas sold him out to the state to preserve a conservative status quo that felt threatened by love and acceptance.


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