Good Sh*t Alert: Wake Up, Wage Slave! Seattle Meets New England in 'Wired Wyatt's All-Nautral Caffeinated Maple Syrup'

September 4, 2012 6:10 PM EDT | By Anthony Smith
Maple Syrup
Wired Wyatt's All-Natural Maple Syrup has more caffeine and less sense than most energy drinks. (Photo: ThinkGeek)

Wired Wyatt's All-Natural Caffeinated Maple Syrup guarantees your breakfast will be more pancake than nap-cake.

Sure, that joke's a stretch, but isn't caffeinated maple syrup? After all, we've seen caffeine in everything over the past few years, from the breath mint to the evening cocktail. It's even gone as far as to enter Mark Bittman's Chili Recipe, although we famously (and pretty relentlessly) advised against it.

So what the heck is it doing in maple syrup? There's something to be said about where it was and how it was used in the other forms. The caffeinated breath mint saw an extremely portable and convenient way of sneaking energy int your bloodstream. As wrong-headed and awful as Mark Bittman's chili was, devising a way to have your caffeine at lunch, at work. The caffeinated cocktail (the Vodka Red Bull, for instance) was a cardiac arrest even the most ham-fisted bartender could serve up, but it still gave you that extra jolt of energy you needed to get through your night, especially if you're one of those people who understands for whom a late night means an early morning.

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There needs to be a Veteran's Day for weekend warriors like that.

In any case, caffeinated maple syrup is total novelty. Why? Because, for one thing, maple syrup is something that purists go crazy defending. That's not reason alone to stay away from tweaking and playing with something, but it is reason to carefully calculate any choice you'd make. And this one, we think, is a little silly.

To say nothing of the taste of Wired Wyatt's offering, the idea itself is clumsy and inconvenient. Think about it this way: a pot of coffee is easy. You put some scoops of grounds in with some water. You do your morning business, and your coffee's made. It may not be the best cup in the whole world, or even the best in your town, but it's a convenient, foolproof vehicle for caffeine.

Now, let's think about this maple syrup. It'd be eaten at the same time of day as you'd have the cup of coffee, so there's less novelty there already. And as long as there's no pancake machine that does what a coffee machine does (we think...), this is a super inconvenient way to get your caffeine. Hell, if it gives you as much caffeine as you need to, it probably tastes awful, too.

And if it's considerably less, well, get ready to do a shot of maple syrup. It's what we imagine the frats at McGill have their pledges do, so you're practically Phi Beta Eh already.

If your pantry needs a talking point, and your breakfast table isn't next to your coffee table, go ahead and pick up a small bottle for thirteen bucks here. http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f011/



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