This is why you're fat, and also so much cooler than everybody else.

Everyone who's on the constant lookout for good shit needs to be on the alert for the next coming months, when the Popinator, from Popcorn Indiana, could be hitting supermarket stands everywhere. It's a machine that takes your laziness and makes it (and you) the envy of your slimmer, healthier friends.

What is the Popinator, and how does it work?

Ingeniously, we answer. This machine saves you the trouble of putting your hand into a bag of popcorn, then pulling your hand full of popcorn out of the bag and stuffing it down your throat.

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If it winded us just to write that, we can only imagine how tiring it must be to actually do it. And that's where this machine steps in.

With the aid of some ingeniously applied binaural microphones, this buttery little robot listens for you to shout the word "Pop!" Once you do, it comes to life and the magic begins.

(Not actual magic, though: although extra point if they come up with a setting that lets you say "Accio Popcorn!" to get the machine to work)

Based on the volume and direction of the sound you make, the Popinator determines where your mouth is, then fires a single piece of popcorn right into it, letting you catch it, nom it, then continue on with the rest of your day.

There's still no price attached to it yet, but based on what it does and how it works, we're willing to pay literally infinity dollars for it. And all the marbles, too.

We have our hand to God on this one. If you don't believe us, here's a video of it in action.

Be still, my butter-filled heart.